I was overthinking this, putting so much weight on this that I almost didn’t feel the fat, cold, raindrops falling from the sky. My muscles stiffened and my body froze with my hand poised to actually move. My chest tightened and my stomach clenched. How am I supposed to accomplish anything if this is the conclusion I draw from this. How pathetic to weigh me down over a menial task. I wanted to reach for my phone to check the time, but there was no immediate need and my arms felt heavier than usual, so I left it be. Then again maybe I did, experiences like that often open the mind to new ways of thinking that previously hadn’t once crossed my mind. People like friends and acquaintances which were all too ready to assume I cared. But then again, the idea of love feeling pointless and out of reach was a common theme for some people. But it was still quite the stretch and I was hesitant to claim my relation with this overheated lump of rock millions of miles away. She was overwhelming, distracting, and she seemed to erase any other thoughts around her. Venus was the brightest, her blinding light seemed to wash away any other celestial body within close proximity. The answer became more apparent to me as more and more bodies began to show themselves in the sky. As my eyes continued to linger upon the Evening Star and tried to figure out how an ancient philosopher would come to the conclusion of the goddess of love and sex.
The goddess herself was Greek in origin, but the concept was as old as time. I wondered how the Romans came up with that name and resolved to look it up later. The sky was now an indigo gradient, Venus herself making an appearance in the sky. The last glimpse of the Sun’s warm rays were slowly disappearing. But it was still a bit extreme, so I decided to just stare at the sunset for the third time. I didn’t feel sad, it was more of a knee-jerk reaction, a response I would have given had I been able to. In spite of this, warm tears continued to silently pour down my face. If not the moth then something else, another insect, perhaps. If it hadn’t been me moving then it likely would have been something else that would cause the moth’s demise. Still, I had no reason to feel bad for this moth who was now enveloped in silk. I didn’t know why at first but it dawned on me that watching the death of an innocent moth unwittingly orchestrated by me had brought out the first sign of strong emotion I’d felt in months.
She spun a web around the moth’s body and went back into the shadowed corner of her web. The moth shook and flapped about but stilled once an arachnid emerged and sunk her teeth into the creature. Both the moth and my thoughts came to a halt when the moth’s wings entangled themselves in a barely visible web.
As I watched the moth fly around looking for a new perch, I felt guilt for disturbing the peace this creature felt and I wondered how long the moth would’ve rested had I not moved. I noticed my muscles had tensed-as they often do when I wander-so I rolled my shoulders and made sure to unclench my teeth, agitating a moth in the process. Instead of further pursuing that somewhat dreary revelation I looked back at the Sun, which was now barely reaching over the mountain-tops of the valley. I wanted to feel sad like I had missed an opportunity, but I couldn’t feel anything but a mild disappointment. As I returned from the slow flashback I looked down to where the ladybug was last, only to find it had flown off while I was in my head.
I was in a car and the bug had landed on my forearm, and she told me to pick the bug up, make a wish, and release it. My mind once again wandered to a time when I was younger and my grandmother had told me that ladybugs were lucky and could be wished upon. Holding my breath I watched as they made their way across my first leg. I looked down to see a ladybug crawling on my thigh. I wasn’t tired, I just didn’t feel all there today. My head felt extra muddled, my thoughts were slower, and my limbs were heavier. It was a hard day, not for any particular reason but just that everyone had seemed overwhelming to me. I had broken off from the group to recollect my thoughts and they knew not to expect me back before sunset.
#HATSUNE MIKU BINDER HAMILTON SKIN#
As sweat and air made my shirt cling to my skin I folded my hands and gazed at the sinking Sun. The humidity of the summer was worse than ever, and it was guaranteed to rain soon. I sat underneath a tall tree, its bark scraping my shoulders.